should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
