That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
