Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
