Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
People in love make me want to vomit
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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