Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
