Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
