I think my vagina is haunted
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
how does that bad decision feel?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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