i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
North Korea, Best Korea!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
