I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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