There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
