I am in a vortex of obligation.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
