so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
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I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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