The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
