how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
