it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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