AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
