we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
