In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
