I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
