we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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