I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
