Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
