This girl is more easily done than said...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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