its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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