My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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