We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize