living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
