do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
