my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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