After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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