Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize