sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
