Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
why is half of my head shaved?
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