better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
