I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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