So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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