the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
