I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
