3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
