shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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