just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
