Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
