I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize