i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
