Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
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Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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