There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
