You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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