If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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