We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
