You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
