You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
