You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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