I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
