I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
