No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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