I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
