theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
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There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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