I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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