Hey man sorry I got all grabby
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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