I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
