Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
