She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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