Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
