That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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