I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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