my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's a Shit stain on my heart
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
