Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
