i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
third nipple confirmed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
