I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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