3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
